


More Than Human

by sammustdie



Category: My Chemical Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:16:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22414087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammustdie/pseuds/sammustdie





	1. Chapter 1

1\. Strength or madness?

Is it strength or madness? I scribbled in my illegible handwriting. I threw the words down quickly for fear that I might forget them before they were imprinted on the paper. I have a habit of thinking too quickly for my fingers to write, which is why my writing is always terrible.

Many people would choose the first option. Now, I don't blame her; I would have said the same if it weren't for some unfortunate events. They are the people who really look into history, they would choose the second of the two, paying attention to details and looking deeply at each scene change. But are they right? I can't be sure.

Perhaps you would like the opportunity to look at history, to see what position to take about it. You can weigh the words I give you and then formulate your conclusions about the story. But do you remember the question, strength or madness?

I sat hunched on my desk, concentrated in my world. A couple of people stared at me, always stared, but I got used to it. Nothing around me could break my concentration. Neither the idiots called classmates, nor the woman trying to teach me things I had known for years, not even the new student who was sitting in my own desk. No, I wasn't in class. Physically perhaps, but mentally .. I was away from galaxies, stuck in my imaginary realm.

To understand this story, you have to see things from the protagonist's point of view. From now on you will see things through his eyes. Try to visualize what happens through a different point of view from yours. Don't be biased and obviously pay attention to detail. But don't focus too much on the little things or you'll lose sight of the big picture. You can do it? Excellent. Let's begin..

I was about to start a new sentence, but the notebook and pen were torn from my hands suddenly. I looked up and saw the irritated face of my history teacher. She was probably angry because I wasn't working on the topic she assigned and simply because she hated me. Now, I had no problem writing themes, but I totally despised this woman. She was extremely nervous, she wanted everything to be formal and textbook while I preferred to be creative and use my imagination from time to time.

"How many times do I have to tell you," she sighed as if fed up with my existence "to work on what is assigned first, Mr. Iero?"

"I've already finished it." I shrugged and tore my notebook and pen out of his hands.

"In twenty minutes."

"Yes, would you like to see?"

"Yup."

I pulled a sheet out of my notebook and handed it to him. He analyzed it quickly, his gaze growing stronger as he went on. I had to hold back a grin. There would be nothing wrong with it. Not a mistake, nothing. Not to brag but .. beep beep motherfucker. I knew that English is what I do best, the only thing I was proud of myself.

"What do you think?" I asked, barely keeping a smile on my face.

"Work on your handwriting." she spat before returning to her chair. I rolled my eyes, is this the worst he can do?

I opened my notebook on the previous page and reread what I had written, frowning. It was definitely not my best job. I was thinking of crumpling it up and throwing it away, but I stopped. I could finish it later.

"What were you writing?" suddenly asked a voice, making me jump. I had not noticed there was a person two steps to my right.

"Umh ... nothing." I said, quickly pulling my black notebook back into my backpack. I didn't want anyone to see what I was working on.

"It was something, of course. If it weren't, you wouldn't be trying to hide it from me." I could hear from his voice that he was smiling. Out of the corner of my eye, I managed to glance at the mysterious boy. He had very black oily hair that came just above his shoulders and brown eyes. He was completely dressed in black and even had nail polish on his nails. He seemed like the kind of person I would hang out with.

I looked at him suspiciously. "What do you care?" I don't like showing people my private works. There are several things that I don't want the world to know about me. It always seemed like they were invading my privacy. Which they did, in a way.

"Simple curiosity." He gave me a half smile. "I also get stuck in my world when I draw, it's nothing wrong. So, mr. Iero-"

"Frank" I interrupted him. "My name is Frank."

"Frank. Mmh." I didn't know if he was sarcastic or just himself. " Frank ."

"Yes, it's my name .." I said almost awkwardly. "No need to consume it."

"Sorry." The mysterious boy laughed. I noticed that his voice grows louder as he laughs. Not in a negative way though, he has that kind of contagious laugh that makes you want to laugh with him even if there was nothing funny. So I found myself smiling slightly, just a small smile.

I opened my mouth to say something, but he was faster than me.

"It's a very strong name , Frank." he said winking.

"..thing?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Your name suits you, you know." he said, placing an elbow on the bench and then resting his head on his hand. He seemed ... amused? I couldn't have known. It was quite strange, usually I was to understand people's expressions.

"Really?

"Yes, really." he stuck my tongue out.

"Who are you?" I asked cautiously. This guy was weird, and I wasn't sure if he was in a positive way.

The bell rang as soon as the words left my mouth, signaling that the lesson was over and that we had to drag ourselves to another hateful lesson where we would have learned things that would have brought us nowhere in life. The boy at my side got up and went to the door, but before leaving he turned to me and gave me an ambiguous look.

"That's all you need to know about me, the rest you have to find out." He sent me a kiss, then left.

...thing?

I stared at the spot where he had been for several seconds before, really confused. Who the hell was that? And why the fuck was he winking at me and kissing me? It was all very strange. I have never interested anyone around. There was no one in my life who could be considered a friend, just a handful of acquaintances.

I began to hyper-analyze the situation, my extremely confused thoughts. Who was? Where did it come from? I did not know. Why had he preferred to talk to me than to be silent? Was he trying to make friends with me? Damn it, if I had known I would have tried. I bet I sounded like an idiot! But again, half of what he said didn't make sense, what he said about my "strong name".

Maybe he was making fun of me ...

He winked at me all the time with an amused expression. He made fun of me. I was his fun. He didn't care about me. I was nothing for him.

It had to be like this. It was the most locating answer, however. I lowered my head to the table making moans. Here goes another opportunity for a friendship. Why on earth did I think I could have a chance? I only bring disappointments. Nobody wanted to deal with my bullshit.

I didn't blame her.

"Out of my class." my history teacher growled. I looked around noting that I was the only pupil left in the classroom. I sighed, taking my backpack out of the classroom.

"Little gay." I could barely hear the professor's voice behind me. Uh, ironically, I was thinking exactly the same thing. I turned and looked at her.

"Bitch, I could be." I looked at her angrily. Then I ran. I didn't want to end up punished, it really sucked.

***

"Frank, what's wrong?" the professor of creative writing asked me, placing a hand on my shoulder. She was by far my favorite teacher. She was young and really, really pretty. Em, we called it that. She insisted on calling it that. Every day when we walked in, she told us to write anything that crossed our mind, which I loved. It was freedom for me.

"I have only too many things on my mind, that's all." I yawned, rubbing my eyes. Lack of sleep was beginning to make itself felt seriously.

"You didn't write anything." Em frowned, pointing to my blank sheet. He was right, there never was a time when I came here and wrote nothing. I always had something to put down.

"I'm sorry, but you can take something else that I wrote .." I began to tear a sheet from my notebook, but she shook her head.

"Why don't you write what's on your mind? I'd really like to read it!" he smiled at me. I tried to return the smile, but probably the result seemed a grimace.

"Are you sure? It's not something people usually like."

"As long as it's appropriate for school .. Well, you know what? Forget if it's appropriate or not. You can tell me anything you want. You know I won't judge you, right Frank?"

"Yes but-"

"-but nothing. I want something from you by the end of the hour. Okay, Frank?"

"Perfect." I agreed. I loved Em, he always tried to make me "express my feelings." It was something I never did at school, those things were only for my black notebook.

"Well!" she exulted -god, she must switch to decaffeinated-, then going to the back of the class to scream at the people who were doing nothing at this hour. I don't know why they didn't want to do anything, writing is fucking fantastic.

Now, I thought as I took a pencil and stared at the sheet in front of me, how does a person write who thinks he is gay without being embarrassing?

***

Twenty minutes later, I handed the two pages to Em. She looked a little frightened when she saw how full they were - I had written very small, trying to fit everything in one sheet - but she took them anyway. After less than two seconds the bell rang, so I took my backpack and left hell. I meant prison. I meant school.

On the way home, I thought about what Em had thought when she read my topic. Would she have been shocked, disturbed or disgusted? Or would he accept it, just as he would say he would?

After all, "Homophobia is gay" is not a title that many people I know would love .. Or so I thought.

I would find out the next day, I suppose.


	2. Chapter 2

2\. Flashes of color.

I'm just tired. Very very tired. When did all this start? I'm not sure. All my thoughts are dark and clouded. I'm having trouble keeping track of anything lately. I find myself forgetting things all the time, like eating for example. The last time I ate was a few days ago, and it was only thanks to KJ that he reminded me of it. I no longer care to eat now. It is not so important to me.

I do not go out. I don't play my guitar. I don't even get out of bed anymore. The only time I move is to go to school because KJ forces me. I have lost all motivation for anything. If I could choose, I'd be like this for eternity. Or better yet, maybe I could just cease to exist. Yes, it would be much easier than being here right now. I shouldn't even be killed.

I snorted when I reread my words. Pathetic. If Shakespeare were alive, he would probably beat me. But I deserve it, I'm a bad writer. What I wrote was complete and absolute bullshit. It sounded just as if any other person was complaining. "Oh, boo hoo. My parents are dead. I should commit suicide." I rolled my eyes. Did I really look like this?

"Probably," I murmured to myself, stuffing my black notebook under my mattress. What used to be my writing pad was becoming my journal. Sighing, I turned on my back.

"Guys, it's time for dinner!" KJ yelled from downstairs. By "boys" he meant his children. I didn't eat with them. I didn't like him, so I stayed closed in my room day and night, only going out if absolutely necessary.

A couple of minutes later, just when I was about to get up and get something, I heard a knock on the door. I murmured something that the person took as an invitation to enter. The door swung open and my guardian, KJ, entered.

"Would you like something to eat?" he asked, examining the room with his eyes. Nothing had been moved since the last time she had been there. The sad thing was that he didn't set foot in my room for a week.

"No." I answered absently.

"Are you sure?"

"Yup."

"Frank ..." he looked at me frowning "You know, you can always go out with Jay and his friends ..."

I. And Jay. Has. That asshole of his son was the last person I wanted to be close to, that fucking traitor. I'd rather be trampled on by a billion children than stand by him again. I'd rather touch a spider than say hi. And I really hate spiders.

"I'll be here," I replied, hoping it would go away. I wasn't exactly in the mood to socialize. I was very rarely. I don't find a reason to mix with people I don't mind fucking. It is unnecessary and a waste of time.

"Sean might want to see you?" he suggested. "He hasn't seen you in weeks."

"I'm fine here." I insisted.

"Perfect." she said uncertainly before closing the door. I jumped out of bed and went to lock the door in case anyone wanted to check on me. I was 110% sure nobody would come in, but I was paranoid.

I turned back and let out a heavy sigh. I wanted to go out, I wanted to do something, but there were a couple of things that prevented me. One: I didn't have anyone who wanted to join me in anything we decided to do. And two: it would require getting out of bed, something I couldn't do. Even just having a conversation at home took all my energy away. Well, "home" was not my real home for me. I felt so out of place here, even after two years.

KJ's older son and I had been friends. Best friends actually. We finished each other's sentences, we knew what we were thinking most of the time. People said that we were practically attacked from the side and almost inseparable. If you saw one of the two, the other was immediately behind. Anyway .. One day I was going home with Jay. We were pushing and laughing, not noticing the smoke around us. A few minutes later we turned the corner and my view was captured from my home - or what was left of it. We stopped with our mouths open and our eyes wide open. My beautiful home reduced to a pile of rubble. Almost nothing was left; I could not recognize which parts of the house were and which were not.

I fell to my knees, watching the scene in front of me with horror. Everything was going so fast. It was as if my brain was overloaded. There were firefighters trying to put out the last flames, policemen who put the attention tape .. and an ambulance. Paramedics were loading someone into the back of the car, a distressed look on their faces. I didn't need someone to tell me what they were doing or was going on, I already knew

My parents were dead

I would never see them again.

Burned alive, together with my home.

My mom and dad .. gone, taken away by the cruel flames that devoured our home.

"My parents are dead." I declared absent. I don't think you were in shock at the moment. I understood everything perfectly. But I didn't feel anything. My whole body and mind were cold and numb. Ice creams. The breath was stuck in my throat and I couldn't breathe. Someone was saying something to me, but I couldn't hear anything, I was too focused on what I was looking at.

I wanted to know why. Why to me? What had I done to deserve this? Had I angered the wrong person and was this my reward?

"P-Why ..." I stammered. Someone asked me what I said.

"Because." I repeated to myself. My voice was calm, it did not tremble.

"What are you saying-"

"WHY'?" I screamed with all the air in my lungs. "WHY'!?"

Over and over. I yelled at what was left of my house. I screamed and screamed so loudly that my throat immediately started to hurt. I knew I was scaring some people and I knew Jay was trying to calm me down, but I didn't care. I had to see - I needed it.

Finally Jay pulled me to my feet and dragged me away from my house, silencing me. I shut up, but I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay to see the damage. I wanted to see all the irreplaceable things that would never be replaced. I wanted to see them. I needed it for everything to penetrate.

I freed myself from Jay's grip and turned to my house, just at the wrong time. Two other paramedics were bringing something from the remains of my home. It seemed they were struggling with it, especially when they had to lift it to put it on a stretcher.

I narrowed my eyes in hopes of seeing better before a sheet was laid on it. When I realized what it was, I felt my eyes roll backwards and immediately passed out.

Looking directly at me on the stretcher was my dead mother. Blood covered his body and his eyes were wide open. It was surprisingly easy to say it was her, most of her face was not burnt. The rest of her skin was charred and blackened though, and almost all her hair was scorched. The worst part though was that he only had half the body. It looked like her legs had been amputated.

Jay asked his mother to let me stay with them after what had happened, he argued that it wouldn't have been strange if I had lived with them since I was already at their house a lot of time. So, KJ took me with him. I have lived with them ever since. Almost two years have passed since the fire. But it's been about a year and a half that Jay has abandoned me for his new friends, so I'm forced to live in his house, marginalized while he was out having fun. I tried not to hate him for abandoning me, but sometimes it was difficult. Like the time he told me, on Mother's Day, that I had to pass over the death of my parents because he was fed up with my depression. Or when he called me 'pathetic orphan' in front of the whole school. Already,

"Coglionazzo." I spat. I directed my words to Jay even though he couldn't hear me. "Swallow a chainsaw."

I saw something move outside my window, then looked outside. There, in the driveway, Jay was with his friends playing basketball. I looked at them badly, exactly as they did with me, but I had to stop when my eyes itched. I scratched them, but I began to feel strange. I felt them tingle and I saw blurred. You will keep them for a few seconds but when I reopened them things got worse.

Flash.

Bright white lights flashed as if they had taken a photo exactly in front of me. Then blue began to color my sight. It seemed that the color had infiltrated before my eyes and then expanded. I looked around desperately, looking for a way to stop this.

Flash.

That dark blue now occupied a quarter of my sight, darkening from second to second. Start to panic. What was happening? I was pretty sure it wasn't normal for blue to blur the view. I rubbed my eyes until they started to water, but it didn't help. In fact, things got worse.

Flash.

Another flash. This left me blind for a couple of seconds, but then only half of my vision returned. The rest was obscured by what was now sapphire. Slowly, I felt panic move away from me. It was as if someone had taken the stress and ripped it from my body. I was left with a sense of peace, I hadn't felt that way for a long time. My eyelids started to get heavy while I yawned.

Flash.

This time I wasn't even scared. The blinding light was immediately replaced by that adorable blue that made me feel so good and comfortable. the eyelids began to drop as soon as I lay on the bed, yawning further. I was so tired .. I needed to sleep ..

Flash.

I could barely see anything by now. But to be honest, I didn't care at all. All I had in mind was the pleasant feeling expanded throughout my body. I never wanted it to end.

Flash.

My sight was gone, I only saw blue.

Flash.

"I'm going to ..." I murmured lazily. "I fell asleep .."

Flash.

It was nice to be taken away if it always feels so blissful. No more stress, no more problems, no more nothing. Blue was helping me ...

There was one final final flash before I was sucked away by that blue color.


	3. Chapter 3

3\. Just like me.

They all stared at me. Everyone. I could feel their eyes burning, digging holes through my skin. I kept my head down even when I entered the classroom. The temptation to unleash my grim gaze on them would be too strong.  
Yes, I expected that everyone would turn to look at me when I entered the classroom thirty minutes late, with soaked clothes dripping water on the floor, without a shoe, torn jeans and makeup smeared around the face. I must have looked a lot pissed off because the teacher didn't speak to me after looking at me. The only thing he did was to quickly look away.  
After the morning I had, being late in class was nothing. It was only 8:30 and I was ready to leave. Today was definitely not my day. I rested my head on the bench, my eyes closed. I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm myself down because I didn't want to attack anyone. It took a moment to realize that someone was trying to get my attention.  
"Thing?" I blurted out before I stopped. My teacher was standing in front of me, looking at me worried. Or at least, pretending to be. Professors don't really care about their pupils - they are with them just for the money.  
He bit his lip. "I think you need to change your clothes."  
"It would be useful, already." I said sarcastically. I knew I shouldn't have answered a professor, I would have regretted it later, probably when I was being punished.  
"Go then."  
Grumbling to myself, I got up and left the classroom. I cast a hateful look at the bitch who had dared to laugh at me. I chuckled when I stepped back into his chair.  
I left the classroom, leaving a trail of water behind me, arriving at my locker, still furious. I wanted to raise a ruckus and break stuff, but I just ended up kicking my locker. I thought I had spare clothes in there, if not, I was screwed.  
Fortunately, I found my gym bag in the mess that was my locker. It was under three textbooks, my only jacket and a few dozen sheets that popped up every time I opened that damned thing. I pulled it out, somehow managing to avoid an avalanche of stationery, then headed towards the changing rooms. As soon as I entered the gym, someone shouted at me.  
"Hey, little loser." he said in a childish voice.  
I looked over my shoulder nonchalantly. "Could you not piss me off today? I'm running out of places to hide bodies." and after that I went into the locker room to change, without a doubt leaving the idiot confused. Usually I didn't answer anyone.  
When I entered the locker room, I looked around to make sure there was no one else. I wasn't shy or anything like that, I just checked because I had experiences with people who steal my clothes while I don't watch. Seeing no one, I opened the bag, murmuring in a low voice how shitty this day is.  
"Damn." I complained. Of course, to improve the day, my clothes were gone. I didn't get angry though, I sighed and sat on the floor, leaning against a wall looking at the ceiling. "I give up."  
"You should never give up." someone said, scaring me. I looked around, without seeing anyone.  
"Why not?" I protested.  
"You never know what can happen. You will never live. You will be stuck in the same miserable state forever if you give up."  
"Are you the new boy in my history class?" I asked. It looked like him.  
"Are you Frank Iero?" retorted.  
"Yes," I replied, noting that he hadn't answered my question. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in class or something like that?"  
"I could ask you the same thing." the mysterious boy chuckled. "But yes. I don't particularly like gymnastics, so I thought I'd stay here all the time."  
"Oh .. Well, I was going to change these wet clothes, but the rest of them are gone so I'm practically screwed."  
"Tragic" he ironized.  
Footsteps echoed throughout the room. They produced a dry and constant noise that became louder and louder. I looked to my left to see the boy walking in my direction, with a fake dramatic look. He was dressed completely in black, which didn't surprise me. I was curious, however, to know why he wore a pair of trousers of a suit and a tie.  
"Oh, your eyeliner got ruined. What a pity. It looked good on you."  
"Emh, okay ..." I started to feel a little shy. He was there, it seemed he was coming from a funeral while I was wearing rags sewn together. I lowered my head, looking for a way to escape from his intense and amused gaze.  
"Anyway, why are you drenched?"  
"  
"It's terrible." Again, I didn't know if he was sarcastic or not.  
"Why don't you go wash your makeup off your face?"  
"Yes, good idea .." I jumped up and went to the sink. The boy followed me, jumping on a counter, swinging his legs off this.  
"Who are you?" I asked as I began to remove makeup from my face.  
"I am similar to you, another life on this planet-"  
" -it was not what I meant, intelligentone." I rolled my eyes. "What's your name?"  
"I do not know." he shrugged.  
"What do you mean you don't know?" I raised an eyebrow.  
"I'm kidding, Frankie." he gave me a sly grin, making me blush slightly.  
"Frankie?"  
"I think you can call me Gerard." he answered with a thoughtful expression. "Maybe something else if we ... get close."  
Gerard. Gerard . I stretched his name into my head, underlining the 'r'. That name had an ancient charm, not very common ... Unique, I decided. Just like him.  
"What do you mean?" I asked cautiously, turning off the tap and then drying my eyes. I had removed most of the makeup from my face. I didn't look like a raccoon, and that was enough for me.  
"Oh, you know .." he waved his hands in the air as if I had to understand somehow what he meant.  
"Actually, no. Unless you're going to enlighten me, get out of my sight."  
"Ooh, touchy. Tell me, am I getting on your nerves?" Gerard laughed, his voice getting louder as he did it. I would have joined if I hadn't been so furious.  
"Yes. Can't you, I don't know, go fuck?"  
"No thanks. I think I'll be here."  
"As you want." I sighed.  
"Gray .." he drummed his fingers on his chin tilting his head to the side. "Oh, I know!"  
"You know what?"  
"I have extra clothes you can wear. Let me pick them up."  
"Okay?"  
I watched the boy -Gerard- as he came down from the counter and ran out of the locker room. He didn't come back a minute later, bringing what must have been his clothes.  
"Here." he threw them at me. I grabbed them and checked them. A simple pair of jeans and a shirt. It seemed to me.  
"Thanks ..." I murmured, standing awkwardly.  
"No problem." he looked at me beaming. Seeing me stand there, he tilted his head in confusion. "Aren't you going to wear blue jeans ?"  
Blue, I thought dryly. I had had enough of the blue color. when I woke up this morning I convinced myself that I had imagined all that mess with blue visions. It was not possible that I had lost my sight temporarily. I was just tired, that's all.  
"Emh, are you sorry?"  
"No, I'm not sorry. You can dress in front of me."  
"It wasn't what I meant ..." I could feel myself blushing.  
"And what int-oh." he grinned suddenly. "I understand what you mean."  
"It's just that-" I said hurriedly, but Gerard stopped me.  
"Frankie," he murmured as he started walking towards me. Well, walking was not the correct term, it was more a sophisticated advance. He seemed mischievous and self-confident, and his grin certainly didn't help.  
"What are you..?" I didn't finish the sentence. Gerard was literally one step away from me. I stared at him with wide eyes, slightly backing away. I didn't know why, but I felt scared and decidedly intimidated.  
"You shouldn't be so embarrassed to show your body." she whispered, looking down. I watched as his hazel irises rose, finally coming to my face. Her smile widened when she saw me blush. Was he checking me out?  
"Nothing to be ashamed of, really." he said directly to my ear, sending chills down my spine. I tried to step back, but he followed me. I ended up with my back to the wall and started to panic.  
I am going to be killed ... I am going to be raped .. I am going to be killed and raped ...  
"Let me watch something." Gerard took my hand and narrowed his eyes. He examined it for a long time, taking in every detail. I don't know how long we stayed like this,  
stare at him to keep track of time passing.  
"You should dress quickly." Gerard finally said. "  
Maybe I was wrong, but he seemed to have snorted before looking back at me. He seemed amused, as always. But I couldn't tell him anything. I stood there like an idiot while he was probably thinking about how stupid I looked.  
" You should get dressed quickly, "he said finally Gerard. "The bell is about to ring."  
"I-I ... you, emh ..." I tripped over the words. I couldn't think clearly with him in front of my face. It was as if someone had made everyone vanish thoughts from my mind. Poof. Go.  
"See you later Frank." he chuckled,  
Not even five seconds later the bell rang.  
Thing.  
Devil?

***

I sat in my history class, keeping my eyes on Gerard. I wanted to know why he was being a pervert with me earlier, but he avoided me all day. I waited for the perfect opportunity to get up and ask him, but this didn't come. At the end of the hour, that witch of the teacher made him get up and present in front of the class.  
"Hello." Gerard smiles as if he knows something that we didn't know. Like a child who has just been told a secret but has been warned not to tell. "My name is Gerard." He glanced in my direction, smiling broadly when he saw me. He continued to speak, but without stopping to stare at me.  
"I like to draw and paint, more to draw though. I grew up in a family home, I never knew my real parents. And ... I like coffee." I sit back, looking completely normal.  
Everyone in class looked at me and Gerard, some looking back, some simply looking ahead. They held their hands in front of their mouths, whispering things to each other. I wanted to get them up and get them all slapped. Nobody ever told him that pointing out - someone who is less than a couple of steps away from you - is rude?  
"It's just like Frank!" I heard someone whisper, so loud that he was practically speaking. "They are both orphans!"  
Just like me..  
I found myself staring at Gerard. I was sure he too had noticed the hateful glances around us, but he ignored them. I did my best to copy it, but it was difficult. I found it difficult to stare at the blackboard when popular kids didn't even try to hide the fact that they were talking about me. It got on my nerves. Not because they were making fun of me, but because some of them felt sorry for me. I didn't want their compassion.  
The hour was heavy, but it ended. Gerard sprang out of the classroom, probably trying to ignore me.  
I sighed, shaking my head.  
"You can't run forever." I muttered.  
"Stop talking alone and leave my class." spat the history teacher.


	4. Chapter 4

4\. Defend what you believe in.

When I got home, I went straight to my room. As soon as I put my foot on the first step, however, a hand took my wrist and made me turn.

"What ..-" I started screaming, but I stopped when I saw who was behind me. He was tall, with blond brush hair, his face covered with acne and his usual asshole clothes: a swag shirt, sweatpants and a pair of tennis shoes that were popular are because they were branded.

"Iero." spit.

"Jay." I held back another answer.

"You'd better not fuck up tonight." he warned me, approaching me.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I tore my arm from his grip. Obviously, I knew what he was referring to, but I would never have admitted it.

KJ had one of those business dinners tonight. One of the important ones with the boss and the president of the company. The whole family had been invited, myself included. Normally, I would have been at home, considering that I wasn't part of the family for them, but a social worker told KJ that I wouldn't stay at home because I would feel like I wasn't part of the family, so I would have to participate.

I didn't need a social worker to say it. I already felt that way, every day.

"Check it out. You still have two years to spend here."

"You talk about it like it's a prison sentence."

"It is while you are in my house." he nodded a bitter laugh, spitting on me. I wiped my face from his spits in disgust, trying in all ways to stay calm. I knew what role I had in this house, I knew it wasn't my place. I had no right to despise anyone, even if they were the greatest bastards in the world. I could be thrown out of the house without problems and sent to foster care.

"You just have to control yourself and I won't kill you." Jay pushed me and I fell backwards on the stairs. One of the steps slammed exactly against my back, startling me and leaving me breathless for a moment. The pain started from the spine and spread from there. A bruise would form, I knew it.

"Well." I murmured looking down. I had no choice, I had to listen to it. If I blew up dinner, KJ would lose his job. It also meant that he would not buy Jay's car for his birthday, which is why he told me to do my best.

"Jay? Frank?" called KJ from the kitchen. Jay hurriedly left the room, and I moved to get up, but was unable to get there before he arrived.

"Frank, what happened?" he asked, approaching. She wanted to check that I hadn't hurt myself, but I waved her away.

"I'm fine, I just fell." I reassured her, holding on to the handrail to lift me up. I took the dirt off my pants and turned to go to the bedroom, but she stopped me with a question.

"Were these the clothes you wore this morning?"

"Uh ..." I looked at myself. I still had the jeans and shirt that Gerard had lent me. "No..."

"Are they at least yours?"

"Emh, not exactly-"

"-you stole someone's clothes?" she asked, looking confused.

"No, umh, I ripped my pants off so this guy, uh ... gave me these." I stammered, feeling embarrassed only to remember what happened. I didn't know if Gerard was strange or just perverse. I had no idea.

"Oh. Well," she stopped, unsure of what to say next. "You should go get dressed for dinner quickly, make sure you are presentable, if dinner is okay I could get a promotion!"

"Really?"

"Yes," he smiled. "I've been trying to get this job for two years, tonight I will have my chance. If all goes well and the President likes me I could also get a raise."

"I hope you like whoever he is. You deserve it." I said, not because I really thought so, but because I wanted to leave.

"Thanks Frank. Now, go get dressed. Jay's old clothes should be fine so take something nice from his closet, okay? You have to be ready by 5:30."

"Okay." I nodded, mentally complaining. I didn't want to set foot in Jay's room. I felt that he didn't want me there either. But I owed it to KJ. He had let me live in his house, for free. I had to repay it somehow. Going to her son's room wouldn't have killed, which I wouldn't have minded.

***

Five thirty came and went, and we were still home. Jay had to answer an "important" call from his girlfriend, so it was getting late. KJ, Sean and I were sitting at the table waiting for him. While I waited, I found a black marker. I took it and uncorked it, thinking of what to doodle.

I decided to draw myself on the hand. It was an old habit that I never managed to eliminate. Whenever I had markers, I scribbled on my hands or arms. I don't know why, and I didn't even care.

I started drawing a spider web, even though I hated spiders. But if we have to do the things that frighten us anyway, what is the sense of being afraid of them?

"-what? Oh, yes," I heard Jay say on the phone. " he comes with us."

The pinch on my felt pen tightened, but I showed no other signs of listening to what he said. It was what he wanted, my reaction, my attack. That was why he kept threatening me. He wanted me to explode and try to kill him or something. If I had, I would no longer have been allowed to live with them. The fact that I would find myself in an orphanage or on the street was the only thing that kept me from kicking him in the ass.

"I know, but he has to. Basically, his social worker doesn't want us to leave him here," he laughed. "I know, pathetic, don't I?"

I gritted my teeth to avoid saying anything. I took deep breaths through my nose. I was holding the felt pen so tight that it made me tremble. I kept saying to myself "It's not worth it ... it's not worth it ..."

"I know! He has no parents so he has to scrounge mine. It's a fucking parasite."

I looked at KJ. I know he had heard it. I knew it. But he simply looked at me with displeasure. I could see compassion swimming in his eyes. He wouldn't have scolded Jay. He wouldn't have told him to stop. He would have put up with me ...

You're better than him Frank ... don't do anything stupid ...

"You know, sometimes I feel sorry for him-"

"Here, fuck!" I screamed, getting up from my chair. I made everyone jump into the room. Anger was boiling in me. It flowed through my veins, red and incandescent. I could no longer control it. I was fed up. Fucking fed up . I was tired of being good, of pretending that I fucking cared about something. I was no longer making fun of myself. I didn't give a damn about anyone, not even me. I hated myself .

And then, all of a sudden ... the anger vanished. As if it had simply evaporated. For a couple of seconds I felt emotionless, almost dead. But it was for a couple of seconds.

Sharp pain hit me straight in the chest. I gasped and looked down, but nothing had affected me. He had grabbed my heart and kept getting worse. I looked around, mainly to see if Jay had thrown anything at me, but I didn't see anything strange, except the expressions of KJ, Sean and Jay. It took me a minute to realize that nothing had touched me. Nothing physical, at least.

Another heavy destructive blow struck me again. I screamed, it really hurt . It was certainly the worst pain I had ever experienced. It was as if Wolverine had violently ripped my heart from my chest and at the same time lightning had struck him. I collapsed on the floor without warning, beginning to cry like a waterfall. Like a broken fountain, I couldn't stop.

All I could feel was a sense of excruciating tragedy. No transcendental tragedy. Even worse than a tragedy. It was ... torture.

I almost choked on my own sobs, lying trembling on the floor. KJ was screaming something, I don't know what, I couldn't hear her. I could only see his mouth moving. He fidgeted around, probably asking his children to do something. Here, she is the type of person who panics in bad situations.

"Stop it!" I said with difficulty, clutching my chest. It was becoming unbearable. I cried even louder, warm tears streaked my cheeks and fell to the floor. This was a completely new type of sadness. I not only felt my heart broken for who knows what reason, but also useless and pathetic. Despair, loneliness, misery ... took possession of every fiber, every molecule of my body.

I let out another scream as a convulsion shook my body. I could not do it anymore. By continuing to lose and regain consciousness. Black dots danced before my eyes. I didn't see anything anymore, it was all dark.

Then something familiar happened. Something that we spent hours trying to convince me that it wasn't true, that it never happened, that it was all in my mind.

A lightning. I saw a flash.

As it happened the other time, a blinding white color left me blind for a couple of seconds. And then, just as I expected, blue colored my sight when I was able to see again. Slowly, the pain went away from my chest. It was as if someone had literally taken him away. However, it took me a couple of moments before it was completely gone, leaving a sapphire blue color before my eyes. This time, however, I didn't have a good feeling, I didn't feel anything.

"Frank! Frank, what's wrong?" I heard KJ scream.

"Nothing." I answered distant. I stopped shaking, crying and sat down. I couldn't see anything, but I got up and dusted my clothes. The legs were a little soft and I felt confused.

"Y-Are you sure? Are you just ... just .."

"I swear, KJ, I'm fine," I said without any facial expression in the direction from which his voice came. "We have to go. You will be late for your dinner, remember?"

"Oh yes ..." she said as if she had remembered how important it was only now. "You're right. You should be here though, you don't seem to be well."

"I'm fine, KJ."

"Sure? You can stay here if you're not feeling well." he suggested. He really seemed to want me to be home.

"I'm fine." I emphasized. "Very well."

"Okay .." he said calmly. "Let's go then. Everyone, come on. In the car. We are late.

I walked towards where I thought the door was, but I was totally wrong and ended up hitting a wall. I heard Jay chuckle, so I looked at him badly and turned to him.

"Dude," he said, changing the tone of voice from nagging to in shock. "what's wrong with your eyes?"

"Thing?" I asked, realizing only then what was going on. My eyes - maybe it wasn't all in my head? Did my eyes really turn blue? "Nothing!" I closed my eyes and passed him. This time, managing to get through the door without slamming the wall. Somehow, I managed to get to the car without killing myself.

In the time it took me to get out of the driveway, the blue went away.

***

I was amazed to see the restaurant. It was certainly the most expensive and elegant place I had ever been to. I felt out of place just looking at it from outside, let alone being in it. It looked like a fucking palace, not a small restaurant for the wealthy.

"Please don't blow me all up." KJ whispered as we approached the table where two elderly gentlemen were seated.

"Yeah Frank, don't mess it up." Jay echoed his mother. I simply looked up. Did they think you weren't able to do well in public or what?

"Sure." I murmured so that no one could hear him. We got to the table and the two men looked up.

Katrina! "They exclaimed together. I was surprised, nobody ever called KJ by his real name.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you," said the man on the left. He was the president of the company, I guessed. I didn't know much about him, only that his surname was difficult to pronounce. "I've heard good things about you, Katrina."

"Thank you, Mr. Giacalone," thanked him KJ -or Katrina -. "And hello, Mr. Vegas." he turned to his head and smiled.

"'Evening, KJ. It's nice to see you out of the office again." greeted Mr. Vegas. "Please sit down.

I decided to sit next to Sean, knowing that he doesn't speak much I would have avoided the conversation with the elders. I was about to sit down when Jay stole my chair, forcing me to sit next to KJ and the president.

"Please introduce me to your children." said Signor Giacalone.

"This is my oldest son, Jay, and the one over there is the youngest, Sean."

"Hello!" Jay and Sean said at the same time, just as they had tried in the car.

"And this here?" he asked, looking at me.

"It's Frank. Technically he's not my son, but I see him as such. He's lived with us since his parents died three years ago."

"It's terrible." he frowned. "It must have been really difficult for you."

One , I thought, is two years, not three. And two- you don't see me as your son. Don't lie fucking. Really, what was he doing?

"It is, sometimes." I admitted, looking at my legs. You feel uncomfortable all of a sudden. I didn't want to be there, everyone stared at me, I hated him.

"He is so generous on his part Katrina," said Signor Giacalone. "He really has a big heart."

"Thank you, sir."

"I hope you don't mind if we ordered for you. The waitress has arrived so we thought we would take something for all of you."

"That's fine! I'm so sorry for the delay, however. The traffic was terrible."

"Yes, traffic." Jay laughed under his mustache. I kicked him from under the table.

"Owh!" Signor Giacalone jumped, looking at me. "Your leg must have gone off, boy."

"I'm-I'm so sorry sir." I stammered immediately, my eyes wide. "I swear to her, I didn't want to." I glanced at Jay, who continued to chuckle.

"I'm sorry, Frank has ticks every now and then ..." KJ apologized.

I looked at her confused. A tick, really?

"It's all right Katrina," he laughed. "So, Frank, do you play any sports?"

"I do!" Jay intervened. I sighed, tonight would have gone like the others.

"Really?" The man asked curiously.

"Yes, I practice all that the school has to offer!"

"But that's fantastic! Does your brother or Frank practice anything?

"Sean isn't at school yet, so no. Frank doesn't either. He hardly even leaves the house, at all.

"Why never not? When I was your age," Oh my god no, not the bullshit of 'when I was your age' "I loved being outdoors!"

"I don't care much about sports, sir. I prefer music and writing."

"Music! I was excellent with the violin long ago! What do you play?"

"Guitar, bass, drums, and singing, I replied." My father loved music and taught me everything he knew before he died. "

The man looked shocked. "Those aren't real instruments! You have to learn to play the violin, boy. That's where the music comes from."

"Umh .. no thanks?" I didn't want to go overboard saying 'No old man. I will play what the fuck I want. "

"How can you say that ?!"

"I can play the piano." I changed the subject so I could keep the peace. KJ looked like he was about to do it.

"Here we are! This is real music." he smiles, thus further corrugating his now dated skin. "So, do you write?"

"Yes, sir." I nodded.

"About what?"

"Everything and everyone."

"I bet you do really well in school. I do, when I was your age."

"It really is insufficient in most subjects," said Jay before I could answer. "It's going particularly badly in history."

"Don't you commit yourself?" asked Signor Giacalone, raising an eyebrow. God, was the evening question-to-death-Frank or what? Why didn't he question the golden boy instead of me?

"No." Jay replied for me.

Before Jay could say anything else about my missed history homework, a man with a food tray came to the table. He put the drinks on the table and quickly left. I took a sip of what was in front of me, then trying not to spit everywhere. That drink smelled of fat and slurry. But everyone else seemed to like it, which puzzled me.

"How are your grades, Jay?" asked Signor Giacalone.

"All A, sir."

"Good for you! You must be very proud of it, Katrina."

"I am proud of both my children."

Oh, cool. I will then be minced liver ...

The whole conversation went on like this. Signor Giacalone asked questions, Jay got involved and said I was terrible, Signor Giacalone asked why and Jay replied saying how perfect he was, so on and on. I didn't say anything. I sat there, trying not to mumble something softly. In the meantime, real food began to approach us. Both KJ leaders continued to congratulate on how spectacular his children were. I wanted to throw up.

I looked in disgust at the lobster dish - it was really a lobster shit, Mr. Giacalone was trying to show us how rich it was - which was placed in front of me and the others. I tried to say something to the waiter, maybe to bring me something different, but I didn't have the opportunity. He left before I could even start the sentence.

"Let's all dig!" exulted Mr. Vegas. "They treat us well here by old Walter! He rejoiced again, sinking his face into the lobster tail. I was feeling badly watching everyone eat it. I just wanted to sit there without eating anything and then leave, but someone would have noticed. it would be normal to go that way after all.

"Why aren't you eating son?" Signor Giacalone scolded me. "Aren't you hungry?"

"Son?" I asked. Seriously?

"He's probably not hungry." KJ intervened. "He doesn't actually eat much-"

"-mo, I'm really hungry." I interrupted her. I was fed up with his lies.

"Why don't you eat then? I paid a lot."

"She has a little stomach ache-" KJ began, but I stopped her.

"I don't have stomach problems. I'm a vegetarian. I don't eat meat."

"Don't you eat-? Come on, it's not bad!" Signor Giacalone was breathless.

"I refuse to eat meat. It's killing animals , and it's wrong . I'm sorry, but you can't force me to eat it."

"How do you get protein ?!"

"That's probably why it's so low." Jay laughed.

"Shut that fucking mouth." I snarled. I was tired of being belittled by him. I had had enough for that evening.

"And you have language problems!" said Signor Giacalone incredulously. "What kind of boy did your real parents raise?"

"They raised a perfect boy, thank you." I stared at him. I was tired of pretending to be cute; insults my parents and I don't care who you are, you will hear me.

"Obviously not if you use such vulgar language! KJ, how do you allow him to speak like this?"

"I assure you I had no idea!" Kj pretended to be shocked, just like Jay.

"But what the hell? You know I say bad words! Let me do it . Why do you suddenly act like you care?"

Signor Giacalone and Signor Vegas turned around looking at her with a really-but-what-a-cock expression. She stopped for a few seconds, but recovered immediately.

"He's lying. I would never let him do such a thing. Frank, sorry for your language."

"Thing?!" I asked, not believing what he had just said.

"You heard me."

"I don't-"

" Now, Frank ." she asked. I stared at it for a minute before giving in.

"I apologize." I said trying to use as little poison as possible in my tone of voice.

"Apologies accepted." said Signor Giacalone in a severe tone. "Now, let's go back to the meal. Frank, you can drink tea if you're not hungry."

"I told you-" I started, but I didn't finish. The look that Kj gave me kept me from saying anything about the murder of a dish. "I'm fine, thank you. I'll sit here."

"Don't you like tea?" Mr. Vegas asked me.

"No, apparently."

"I can call the maid to bring you more. What would you like?"

"Pink lemonade" I answered automatically. It was the best drink ever.

"Pink lemonade? It's only for women and fagots, boy." laughed Signor Giacalone.

"Then you'd better get the whole jug." I said with a cheeky grin, leaving everyone speechless. I don't know why, but a sense of satisfaction overwhelmed me. As if I had taken a weight off my shoulders.

"It's-it's disgusting." both heads of KJ snapped.

"Love is love." I shrugged my shoulders with an air of indifference.

"So if one declares love to a horse or an inanimate object it is fine because love is love, right ?!" cried Mr. Vegas, drawing attention from across the room.

"Love. It is. Love." I repeated. "If I like a boy I'm not a terrible person."

"Not terrible-? Yes you are!" Signor Giacalone moved his chair away from mine.

"You can't hunt gays." I rolled my eyes. Idiot.

"Katrina, please tell me she's joking!"

"I'm not doing it." I answered for her. I didn't need his lies.

"This is the grossest thing I've ever heard," said the KJ boss.

"That is the most lousy thing I've ever drunk."

"How do you allow such a person to stay in your house?

"I had no idea it was ... that way." KJ said feeling uncomfortable. He looked at me, but not in the eyes.

"You have to learn the lesson before I go to hell."

"You know, homophobes really get on my nerves. Is it really that hard to accept people for who they are?

"You are not considered 'people'."

"Could not agree more." Mr. Vegas indulged him.

"I couldn't agree less." I said cheerfully.

"Frank, stop it." said Kj, she looked desperate.

"No. I won't take shit from anyone tonight anymore. I've had enough. So could you two kindly fuck yourself?"

"W-how dare you?"

"As you dare, you fucking face."

"That's probably what you want you , right?"

What the hell , I thought. I have nothing to lose. I threw my drink on both balls, laughing all the time. They mumbled something, but only made me laugh more.

"You can say goodbye to your promotion." cried Signor Giacalone, suddenly rising. I stopped laughing.

"You can also consider yourself fired." screamed Mr. Vegas.

And after that, they left. Without paying.

"KJ, I-" I began to apologize. A wave of guilt struck me like a storm. I had just fired her .

"No."

"But-"

"Shut up. Shut the fuck up, Frank." He sighed, taking his head in his hands.

"I'll kill you," Jay threatened me. I knew it was serious.

Well, fuck my life.


End file.
